Life as a Utermohlen

Here we are.  Just announced husband and wife.  Walking down the aisle and out of the church as...


Yeah. you read that right. That's my new name. Utermohlen. 

You know, I've only officially been a Utermohlen for just over two months, but my name has been messed up I think 20 bagillion times since then. Let's start this out with a prime example...

So, hubby and I just got new insurance because we are grown-ups and married now and apparently you have to get big-kid insurance after these types of life-changing events. So, we did a lot of research and picked a plan and I just received my first prescription through the plan.  It was a generic and my understanding was our insurance had a $10 copay for generics per month.  Imagine my surprise when along with three months worth of prescription came a hefty $175 invoice with it.  beep-bap-bop-de-ding, call up the customer service basically saying, yo, what the frick, but in much nicer vocabulary because I try to be a nice person.  Shanequa on the phone tells me that our insurance is an HSA account where we have to pay our deductible ($5,000 buckaroos) before anything gets covered. So, being the emotional female that I am, I start bawling and confirm with Shanequa that basically we have to shell out $5,000 before any of my sexy-time-but-no-baby-time medicine gets covered, let alone any kind of doctor visits, etc.  Shanequa, who really was so nice, confirmed and tried to comfort my whimpers saying "I'm so sorry Mrs. UH-DER-MOHLEN" which of course only made me bawl even harder because now she made it sound like I'm married to a cow's lactation device. 

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. I mean, you try to pronounce it.  What else comes to mind besides cow utters? A major female reproductive organ anyone?  So now I'm either an utter or a uterus.  Glorious. 

Sometimes people get really creative and throw a really heavy dutch/german accent onto it, so it's a like a "Mrs. YOUterMOHLen!" Just throw me some wooden clogs and cook me up some brats with that pronunciation while you're at it whydontcha. 

The sad thing is my name was so lovely before. Grafton. People never messed it up and there is no way of making fun of it. Oh my future babies. How I fear for your lives on the playground...

Even if I'm doomed to a life full of cow-utters-female-uterus pronounced name drama, married life is still pretty wonderful. Getting to snuggle with the love of my life every morning and getting kisses as an alarm seriously is starting my days off great lately.  

Still.  You are lucky I love you even with your name hubby of mine.  

Before I sign off let's all practice together: You-ter-mole-"N". You-ter-mole-"N". You-ter-mole-"N"

Beautiful. I knew you could do it.  Now to just go teach Shenequa and the rest of the world...

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  1. I totally feel you. I was glad to get my married name. My maiden name is Urich. The most popular, yet incorrect, way to pronounce that is Ur-itch. For over 20 years I had people pointing out an itch I apparently had. The correct way to pronounce isn't any better, though. In fact, it's worse: Ur-ick. Yeah ... so glad to be a McDonnell now. The worst I get anymore is people thinking I say one thing and assuming I have a farm.

  2. I grew up a Williams. Never had to spell it and no one mis-pronounced it. Now I'm Gruwell. We answer to Grunwell, Grumwell, and my least favorite Gruel (must be a lot of Dicken's fans out there). Every year, I write my kid's new teacher's a letter introducing them and I always write our name out phonetically (Grew well). We even give people an easy reminder-"my flowers Gruwell b/c I watered them). The one nice thing we can always use our actual as our user name and e-mail address, b/c there just aren't a lot of Gruwell's out there.

  3. Oh so sorry I laughed at's so WEIRD to change last names!!! My name used to be "Christina Carmona" which just flowed soooo nicely! And now it's "Christina Hibbs". The Hibbs is so just stops the flow!! I may or may not have cried when explaining this to my hubby haha. Plus, people like to think I'm saying my name is Christina HIPPS - so apparently I don't say my OWN name clearly enough :/

    And MAJOR bummer about the insurance thing - that STINKS! I'm sorry you're dealing with all of that :(

  4. I know how you feel. My maiden name is Lohrke. You don't say the -h, but do say the -e. I heard some pretty creative ways to say it growing up. You could always tell when a telemarketer called because they never said it right. Now my last name is Tanner which is just simple English, but I still have that German Lohrke pride!

  5. haha so funny! I'm a Swede living in Britain, and my first name is Aasa (Ei-sah) oh my God, how many variations of that name I get...

    Now when I marry, I'm swapping my easy Petersson to the more utterly English Whittleton. Yes, that's, A a s a. Whittleton! Yeah, W h i...... zzzzz

  6. Can you believe people ask me how to spell Wheeler?
    That insurance thing stinks to high heavens!